Casper Has Opinions on : THE NORTHMAN
Updated: Jan 12
CASPER: Why are we reviewing this movie?
PAM: The Northman?
CASPER: Yeah. Why?
PAM: Well, as you know... we only review movies that have a significant feature of animals or music...
CASPER: WHY ARE WE REVIEWING THE NORTHMAN?!
PAM: Well... in like every scene... there's a horse.
PAM: Horses matter.
CASPER: Okay... well... I loved this movie.
PAM: You did?
CASPER: Who doesn't love The Lion King?
PAM: It was The Northman.
CASPER: Sorry... let me rephrase... who doesn't love HAMLET?
CASPER: Tell me I'm wrong.
PAM: Yes, it's a theme we've seen before.
CASPER: Great performances.
PAM: Oh yes.
CASPER: Nice little twist with Nicole.
PAM: Yup. Didn't see that coming. Wasn't sure at first if she was lying.
CASPER: Nope. She's just a horrible person.
CASPER: Robert Eggers likes weird.
PAM: He sure does, Casper. He sure does.
CASPER: Nice to see that gal from the Witch. I like her.
PAM: I thought she was on Game of Thrones.
CASPER: You always think anyone in a Viking Style piece was on Game of Thrones.
PAM: There's definitely truth to that. (Beat) Awful horse death.
CASPER: Yeah... I wasn't a fan of that. (Beat) I like the scene where they all howl'd like wolves.
PAM: You would.
PAM: Nice to see Ethan Hawke.
CASPER: Always nice.
PAM: I guess it's just a bummer to watch a movie where it's a bummer every five seconds. Like... throw in a song.
CASPER: Right?! Though the song would probably go something like "I'M IN AGONY... MY MOM TRIED TO KISS ME."
PAM: "THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD IT'S ROUGH... LET'S CHOP ANOTHER GUY'S HEAD OFF..."
CASPER: Rhyming "Off and Rough" is a stretch.
CASPER: I give it a paw and a half. I liked the violence. Sometimes you just gotta feed that violent craving safely through your television screen.
PAM: That's so Chihuahua of you. I give it three fingers. Four. Alexander Skarsgard was fun to look at.
CASPER: I'm disappointed in you.