top of page
  • Writer's pictureCasper Pam

Casper Has Opinions on : THE NORTHMAN

Updated: Jan 12, 2023




CASPER: Pam...

PAM: Yeah?

CASPER: Pam...

PAM: What?

CASPER: Why are we reviewing this movie?

PAM: The Northman?

CASPER: Yeah. Why?

PAM: Well, as you know... we only review movies that have a significant feature of animals or music...

CASPER: Pam?

PAM: WHAT?!

CASPER: WHY ARE WE REVIEWING THE NORTHMAN?!

PAM: Well... in like every scene... there's a horse.

CASPER: Seriously?

PAM: Horses matter.

CASPER: Okay... well... I loved this movie.

PAM: You did?

CASPER: Who doesn't love The Lion King?

PAM: It was The Northman.

CASPER: Sorry... let me rephrase... who doesn't love HAMLET?

PAM: Casper.

CASPER: Tell me I'm wrong.

PAM: Yes, it's a theme we've seen before.

CASPER: Great performances.

PAM: Oh yes.

CASPER: Nice little twist with Nicole.

PAM: Yup. Didn't see that coming. Wasn't sure at first if she was lying.

CASPER: Nope. She's just a horrible person.

PAM: Horrible.

CASPER: Robert Eggers likes weird.

PAM: He sure does, Casper. He sure does.

CASPER: Nice to see that gal from the Witch. I like her.

PAM: I thought she was on Game of Thrones.

CASPER: You always think anyone in a Viking Style piece was on Game of Thrones.

PAM: There's definitely truth to that. (Beat) Awful horse death.

CASPER: Yeah... I wasn't a fan of that. (Beat) I like the scene where they all howl'd like wolves.

PAM: You would.

CASPER: Yeah.

PAM: Nice to see Ethan Hawke.

CASPER: Always nice.

PAM: I guess it's just a bummer to watch a movie where it's a bummer every five seconds. Like... throw in a song.

CASPER: Right?! Though the song would probably go something like "I'M IN AGONY... MY MOM TRIED TO KISS ME."

PAM: "THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD IT'S ROUGH... LET'S CHOP ANOTHER GUY'S HEAD OFF..."

CASPER: Rhyming "Off and Rough" is a stretch.

PAM: Whatever.

CASPER: I give it a paw and a half. I liked the violence. Sometimes you just gotta feed that violent craving safely through your television screen.

PAM: That's so Chihuahua of you. I give it three fingers. Four. Alexander Skarsgard was fun to look at.

CASPER: I'm disappointed in you.

PAM: Same.








overall 11.5/20

901 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments


bottom of page